How to Have a Peaceful Mindset and Quiet Confidence in the Face of Uncertainty

We are all seeking a better life, but it can be difficult to know what that means. We want more money, success, and happiness in our lives – but how do we get there?

Achieving success doesn’t need to be a complicated thing. It’s an accumulation of simple steps, with the right amount of dedication and commitment to make them happen. The key lies in cultivating a mindset that will allow you to succeed in any endeavor. A peaceful mindset of Quiet Confidence will help you build your empire from within without letting anything get in the way or distract you from your goal.

In the modern world, it can be difficult to find time for yourself. The hustle and bustle of everyday life take away from what is most important: our peace of mind. This article focuses on cultivating a peaceful mindset of Quiet Confidence that can help you when faced with challenges in your daily life.

The key to developing this state of mind is understanding how we are constantly being influenced by external forces; some negative, others positive. We must learn to create a balance between these two things so that they do not affect us too much or too little. By doing this, we are able to develop a sense of inner calm that allows us to take charge and make better decisions about ourselves and the people around us without feeling overwhelmed.

KEY POINTS

• Having a peaceful mindset of Quiet Confidence means being mindful of the present moment and letting go of what you can’t control.
• When life throws curve balls at you, find peace by being mindful of your surroundings to have a more confident mindset.

Here are three components to cultivating a peaceful mindset of Quiet Confidence:

1. Give yourself some space

Morning Routine

Begin your day on the right foot. Taking the time to have a healthy morning routine can positively influence the rest of your day. Change your sleep schedule so that you wake up 15 minutes sooner than normal. If you take a moment to relax in bed, breathe deeply, set your intention, and tell yourself that today will be a wonderful day. Set yourself up for success. It’s a new day and a new start can help you maintain your serenity and attention all day.

Self Care

Set aside time each day to give yourself some personal attention and self-care. To assist you to keep your peaceful mindset, schedule some downtime during the day. Mindfully help yourself by considering solutions or alternatives to situations that are top of mind, or by just pampering yourself.

Take it easier and slow yourself down. Being on the go and under constant stress just adds to your tension and makes it difficult to keep your calm. Make time to get the balance you need in your day by doing those things that relax you and bring you joy.

Meditation

You should meditate daily. Consistent meditation practice gives your mind some much-needed mental space to digest. Find a time that works best for you and then make every effort to meditate Make sure you set your alarm at the same time every day. This will help you to establish it as a habit. For me, t his is most effective in the morning, prior to starting my day.

The amount of time you spend meditating depends on what works for you, so adapt your schedule accordingly. Start with a five-minute commitment and work your way up to a ten-minute goal, and then to a twenty-minute goal. I do a meditation at the beginning of my day and then another right before bed. One to focus my day, the other to let go of it.

Find a quiet, comfortable place where you can sit for at least five minutes and concentrate on your breathing. Breathe in, filling your lungs, and then release the air through your nose and into your abdomen. Take a calm, deep breath. On the inhale, breath slowly to a count of four, and then exhale to a count of four.

When/if you feel comfortable, you can close your eyes. If it feels more comfortable to keep your eyes open, you can do so with a soft-focus in front of you.

Rest your thoughts, focus on your breathing, and keep counting the breaths. Your mind is going to wander. This is normal and expected. Don’t think you’re doing it wrong. Just be aware, acknowledge it, and once again return to the breath.

Sleep

Get plenty of sleep. Getting adequate, quality, and consistent sleep is probably the most healthful thing we can do for ourselves. The natural healing power of sleep will help you stay calm and ready for the day. Develop a consistent nighttime ritual of going to bed at a set time and try to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep.

Unplug

Turn off your electronic gadgets. Disconnecting from distractions such as your phone or computer will go a long way toward clearing your thoughts. Email and social media make you continually feel obligated to answer people’s requests and demands. Taking a break from your technological gadgets will assist you in clearing your thoughts.

2. Gain Awareness of your Emotions

As I’ve talked about before, our feelings are the direct result of our thoughts, despite our desire for it to be the other way around. Unpleasant thoughts lead to unpleasant emotions. It really becomes a vicious cycle when we have thoughts about our feelings that lead to more feelings.

This is how I sometimes get into what I call the ‘Death Spiral’ of emotion – I have a negative thought that leads to a negative feeling, then have an even more negative thought about that feeling, triggering a more negative feeling, and so on. This can go on forever.

I’ve found the more I can be aware of the thoughts, feelings, and the relationship between them, the more effective I can break the chain and stop the spiral.

Anger

Observe your anger and confront it. Make sure to pay attention to how you’re feeling and what thoughts you have for at least fifteen to thirty minutes. Try to find a peaceful, relaxing place where you won’t be bothered. Take long, deep breaths, close your eyes. Be mindful of your anger. Where exactly are you holding it in your body? Do you have a headache? Do you have your teeth clenched? Do you have tension in your shoulders? Are you aware of a correlation between your anger and specific colors or shapes?

Look at the things around you. Take a very deep breath through your nose. Use your mouth to inhale.

List the things that are angering you. No matter how trivial or big they are, everything is significant and worth observing and noting. Sit with it, and remember to just notice and confront your anger instead of trying to avoid it.

Make a quick list of three things that make you angry, and then quickly list three strategies to manage each. You will use this guide to identify your personal triggers and methods to take control of your own feelings so you can feel empowered to choose more healthful thoughts, feelings, and actions for the things you can change.

Stress

Be aware of your stress. Notice your tension and take note of it. Take a 15-minute mindfulness break in a quiet room. Slowly, take a deep breath in, and then close your eyes as you slowly exhale. Start by scanning your body and becoming aware of where the stress is being carried in your body. Are you carrying it on your shoulders? So your neck, yeah? What about your legs? Are you tensing your hands, clenching your teeth? These are my common areas.

Avoid the temptation to place any judgment or have any sort of reaction to the stress. “Damn, I’ve got a lot of tension in my shoulders and neck. I always carry stress there, my shoulders are always tight and neck always hurts. This sucks!” That’s the kind of interior monologue you want to avoid.

Instead, just observe and note it. “My shoulders are tight. I seem to be carrying stress there.” That’s it.

Unpleasant Situations

Observe how you react to negative situations. Ask yourself whether your reaction is reasonable, appropriate, or based on facts or your interpretation. Take note of your feelings when anything unpleasant happens. Feelings such as anger, tension, and sadness are completely acceptable. Our feelings are there for a reason. They give us information about the situation and about us in the situation.

Be aware of those feelings, but don’t allow them to control you. Try to take the situation only for what it is and turn it into a positive. If, for example, you missed your bus and have to wait for a later one, you have the opportunity to treat yourself to a cup of coffee while you wait. Who knows, you might even meet someone interesting.

Taking Things Personally

Remember to not take things personally. Some people are just going to say unpleasant or mean things to you or about you. It happens. There are lots of people whose behavior would warrant a label like a troll, hater, or just an a-hole. Remember that these people have their own agendas, and those are not yours. Try to be compassionate and empathetic, seeing the best in the person.

Above all, remember you have the choice and agency to remove yourself from these people and situations. Don’t let anyone treat you badly. No one. Ever.

Feeling Down

When you feel like crap, smile. I know when I’m down, that is the last thing I want to hear from anyone. And it is the absolute wrong thing to say to anyone dealing with depression. What I’m suggesting here is when you do become aware of that feeling, take a simple (yet not always easy) action to possibly get on the road to breaking out of it.

It’s difficult to stop yourself from dwelling on unpleasant emotions. Having a peaceful mindset of Quiet Confidence means avoiding becoming bogged down in negative feelings. The first step you can take on the path to being lifted is to put a smile on your face. When you smile, you can fool and make your mind think more positively.

I know it’s not just as simple as smiling more and poof, you’re no longer depressed. A lot more. Everything you can do to get a clearer picture, to separate yourself from you feelings, and to (however slowly) chip away at breaking the chain of negative thoughts to negative emotions and on and on, is a good step forward.

Negative Thoughts

Keep negative thoughts at bay. Once you enter into a negative state, your mind will naturally be plagued by thoughts, which connect with one another and lead to a massive amount of negativity.

Try the following mental exercise to help your mind associate more positive thoughts:

• Set aside approximately 30 minutes to sit quietly and listen to your thoughts. Let your thoughts come and go, and just observe. Maybe you remember that you forgot someone’s birthday. That inner critic, the ego, might pop in and respond to that with something like “I’m a horrible person.”
  • Observe it: “That was a thought, followed by a feeling.”
  • Note it: “That was unpleasant”
  • Let it go: “Farewell, my friend.”
  • If you need to remind yourself that your worth has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you remembered so-and-so’s birthday, then do it. If you need to make note of what might prevent something like that from happening again, do it. The point is to put some space between you and those thoughts and feelings.

This may seem overly simplistic and idealistic. It is. It’s not easy. That’s why it works because it’s hard. It’ll take some practice but stick with it and don’t be hard on yourself if this is something that takes some work.

3. Find Your Peace

Let It Go

Allow yourself to let go of the things you can’t change. You’re the only one who has complete control over the situation. You have the power to modify your ideas, behaviors, and emotions. You, on the other hand, have no influence over the actions and ideas of others, despite your best efforts. Turn your attention back to yourself and let go of what other people believe and do.

Assume the best in others. Try and look at the situation from a third-person perspective if you believe you have been wronged or mistreated. Keep in mind that the other person may not even realize they’ve done anything wrong. Give them the benefit of the doubt and understand that it’s likely they didn’t intend to offend.

When someone lets you down, take a minute to pause and be mindful of your expectations of the situation and/or the person. To what extent are they realistic? Is the other person even aware of your expectations? A simple, open dialogue may be all that’s needed to discover how and why the misunderstanding occurred.

Perspective & Context

Don’t only focus on the situation at hand. Looking at things from the proper perspective and within context can help you achieve a more balanced mindset. When you realize you can’t control things, let go of them. Before reacting to a situation, take a mindful pause and consider what else is going on in your world that might be contributing to the unpleasant scenario.

When you find yourself dealing with a situation that you have no control over, write a list of all the things you don’t have any influence over that are affecting the situation. For example, a sluggish economy may be the cause you didn’t get that promotion. Your partner may be exhausted and lack the mental energy to have the discussion and give you the answer you wanted.

When you find yourself worrying about something, take a mindful break and ask yourself, ” Is this still going to be relevant an hour from now? A day from now?”

Change What You Can

Change or control what you can control. Of course, in order to do this, you need to be clear about what you can and can’t influence. When you take control over those aspects of your life that you do have control over, (in addition to letting go of those you can’t) you are more effective at cultivating and maintaining peace.

For example, we can all easily fall prey to getting pissed off in traffic. This happens to me more than I’d like. I have zero control over what other cars do. Seems simple and obvious, but seems like it took me years to realize this. I do have control over what route I take and how much time I give myself to get where I’m going.

Sometimes, there’s only one way to get where I’m getting, I leave early, and there’s solid traffic. I acknowledge it sucks. I acknowledge there’s nothing I can do about it. And I move on with my day. (Even if ‘moving’ in this sense is more metaphorical since I’m sitting in traffic). Providing your mind with additional stress, anger, and frustration is the last thing you need.

Mindful Emotions

Be mindful of your emotions so you know what changes may be necessary. When you’re at peace, you can let go and flow with things. While you may have thoughts that you want to escape from, know that you are having these thoughts at this moment because this is your reality. Accept it. Once you’ve decided how you can affect it, accept it, create it, or change it, the proper course of action is obvious.

Positive Focus

Focus on the positive things that are happening. Let yourself be reminded of all the wonderful aspects of your life, and what good things are happening as a result. If you find it helpful, you can even make a list of things that are going well for you right now. Post it somewhere you can see so you have a constant reminder. Might sound a little cheesy, but it works. We all need reminding of what we have to be grateful for.

See your desired outcome as a positive result. While you may not be able to completely control what will happen, you may choose to envision the best possible outcome. Refocusing your mind on positivity will also help keep away negative thoughts.

Be Present

Be in the now and embrace the spontaneity and unpredictability that is life where it’s truly lived. It might be a little nerve-wracking, but if you are willing to be open to possibilities, you can find new opportunities to thrive.

Be Grateful

List out the things you’re grateful for on a daily basis. This could be keeping a gratitude journal, reflecting on these things before bed, or (like my family) saying what you’re grateful for before a meal. When you go over your list every day or week, notice how thankful you are and how many things you have to be thankful for.

Takeaway

At the end of the day, it’s about self-care. It’s easy to get wrapped up in what others think and how they are reacting to us that we forget who we really are underneath all these layers. The best way to cultivate a more peaceful mindset is by giving yourself some space from outside influences, recognizing your feelings for what they are without judgment or shame, and finding peace within yourself. Remembering this will help you create your Quiet Confidence, an important part of living fully.

“Good questions outrank easy answers.” – Paul A. Samuelson (American economist)

• What are some of the factors that have influenced or contributed to your current mindset?
• How has uncertainty impacted you in the past? What impact does it have on you these days?
• What do you feel gives you peace and restores your calm after a tough day at work or during an argument with someone close to you?

Want more? Get the free guide “Quiet Confidence: A Men’s Guide to Living a Free, Authentic, Joyful, Centered, & Purposeful Life“

This workbook will introduce mindfulness as a foundation for living a more deliberate, authentic, purposeful life of peace, freedom, health, and fulfillment.