How Mindfulness Meditation Has Transformed My Life

My mindfulness meditation practice has given me a foundation for developing inner, quiet confidence in my life. (This is why I call my site “Quiet Confidence“). Quiet confidence is me having both the courage and the ease to be with myself, accepting myself just as I am. Going beyond my thinking or any concept of good or bad, it’s the result of having the ability to be fully present and fully aware, here and now. 

Here’s what it’s done for me:

KEY POINTS

• My meditation and mindfulness practice has given me a foundation for developing inner, quiet confidence in my life.
• Quiet confidence is me having both the courage and the ease to be with myself, accepting myself just as I am.
• Going beyond my thinking or any concept of good or bad, it’s the result of having the ability to be fully present and fully aware, here and now. 

I live in the Present Moment

“Nothing will ever happen in the future; it will happen in the Now. The quality of your consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future— which, of course, can only be experienced as the Now.”

Eckhart Tolle

I live fully in the here and now. The past is already gone. The future hasn’t happened yet. The only thing I have, the only thing that’s real, is this present moment.

I can recognize and honor the feelings I have and not be controlled by them. I can experience them fully without letting them “drive the bus.” And I’m able to direct the energy from my emotions into constructive action.

Living in the present moment doesn’t mean I don’t learn from the past. It also doesn’t mean that I don’t make plans for my future. I stay grounded in the present moment. I don’t get lost in the past or caught up in the future.

It’s a constant struggle, and I’m not always in the here and now. It’s getting better each day.

Facta Non-Verba

“There are nowadays professors of philosophy, but not philosophers.”

Henry David Thoreau

Facta Non-Verba is the Latin phrase for “Deeds Not Words.” Actions speak louder than words.

I understand that my actions, what I do or don’t do, say more about me than what I say or believe. Every day I try to let my actions speak clearly about who I am, what I believe, what I say “yes” to, and what I say “no” to.

I work hard to ensure that what’s happening on my outside is congruent with what’s going on the inside.

I cultivate Gratitude and Compassion

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. “

Melody Beattie

It can be near effortless to take things and people for granted in life. I find this is especially true when things are good. It’s also easy to be grateful for something when it’s taken away. Don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

To help me remember this and help me stay connected to the present and other people, I practice gratitude. Simply by stopping to pay attention to the beauty of small things for what they are and appreciate people for who they are, I experience the fullness of life. I am aware of and grateful for the fact that I have enough.

When author Joseph Heller died in 2005, his friend Kurt Vonnegut wrote this obituary/poem for him that was published in The New Yorker:

“True story, Word of Honor:
 Joseph Heller, an important and funny writer
 now dead,
 and I were at a party given by a billionaire
 on Shelter Island.
 I said, “Joe, how does it make you feel
 to know that our host only yesterday
 may have made more money
 than your novel ‘Catch-22’
 has earned in its entire history?”
 And Joe said, “I’ve got something he can never have.”
 And I said, “What on earth could that be, Joe?”
 And Joe said, “The knowledge that I’ve got enough.”
 Not bad! Rest in peace!”

“Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.” Albert Einstein

Compassion is how we make our world better. How we give the gift of who we truly are to the world. Understanding our heart and having self-compassion is a key to expressing that to others and the world.

I try to live it without words. I know that I am good enough just as I am, and I want to express that to others. It’s more uncovering my inner compassion rather than build it up. Mindfulness simplifies and allows me to embody who I already am.

Realizing the compassion within me is making it real. I recognize it through being present and trust that the knowledge is itself inherently compassionate. The spaciousness of pure awareness is compassion.

Realizing the compassion within me is making it real. I recognize it through being present and trust that the knowledge is itself inherently compassionate. The spaciousness of pure awareness is compassion.

Practicing compassion also includes self-compassion. I have been very hard on myself and discouraging myself for most of my life until relatively recently. I had a low self-opinion and self-worth. As I have been practicing self-compassion, I’ve seen improvements in my entire life. My overall attitude, relations with others, and what I think and do have dramatically improved.

The metta prayer that I use for my loving-kindness meditation is what I use as a sort of mantra for myself. It’s also a mantra that I give to other people giving through my loving-kindness meditation.

May you be happy. 
 May your pain and suffering be eased. 
 May you be healthy. 
 May you be protected from inner and outer harm. 
 May you be peaceful. 
 May you live your life with ease.

I am simplifying my life

“We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.”

Chuck Palahniuk – Fight Club

By gratitude turning what I have into enough, I’ve realized I need less. Not only that, the more simplified my life becomes – less stuff, less clutter, less debt, fewer health issues – the more I live with peace and ease.

To me, simplification equates to freedom; freedom from clutter, from debt, from illness, from outside influences, from stuff.

I’ve adopted a Beginner’s Mind

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, in the experts’ mind there are few”.

Suzuki Roshi

Through mindfulness, I’ve begun letting go of preconceived notions and expectations. I’ve started approaching things with a “beginner’s mind,” as a child would as if it’s the first time I’m doing this. I don’t know what to expect or the outcome, and I know that everything is possible.

I live “deliberately” and “Suck out the Marrow of Life”

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to discover to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.”

Henry David Thoreau

You probably recognize this quote from the movie “Dead Poets Society.” A teacher quotes this to motivate his students to live life more fully, explore and savor everything it offers.

To me, it is the complete opposite of my greatest fear – mediocrity. “…when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” To live deliberately is to understand my “why,” my purpose. To have everything in my life have a purpose and remove all of the things that do not.

To “suck out the marrow of life” to me means not only to live life to the fullest but also to live fully. Experience the here and now for everything that it is. To appreciate the beautiful, simple pleasures of every day and have them stir my soul. To have the freedom and peace of only saying “yes” to things that contribute to my “why,” saying “no” to everything else.

I embody a Quiet Confidence

“When we learn to believe in ourselves, our lives become enriched with a quiet confidence and we begin to blossom and grow with a wonderful, newfound sense of peace, well-being and joy.”Mary Anne Byrne

As I’ve said earlier, my meditation and mindfulness practice has given me a foundation to develop inner, quiet confidence in my life. I have both the courage and the ease to be with myself, accepting myself just as I am.

Those Nice Guy “covert contracts”?

• I don’t try to be a certain way – good, bad, strong, confident, charming, etc. – I just “be.” And I have no expectations around what others think. I take no validation (positive or negative) from others’ thoughts or opinions.
• I realize I am the only person on the planet that is responsible for getting my needs met. And I make sure I get them met.
• I let go of all expectations and attachments to any outcomes of trying to do everything “right” and having a smooth, problem-free life.

Mindfulness, to me, is a study of the self. It is getting in touch with who that truly is and being able to, step by step, slowly let that person shine. That person is my true essence, my conscious self, the heart that I had when I was five, with all of the wisdom gained over the 40+ years since. I am living as my authentic self.

I am vulnerable. I am, in many ways, completely unprotected. Out there. What you see is what you get. What I’m feeling and thinking on my inside is also what is happening on my outside. That’s it. I’m calm and peaceful with who I am, and I’ve got a real sense of clarity about it.

Calm, clarity, and congruence. These are at the heart of what I seek. I seek liberation, balance, equanimity, clarity of consciousness, a harmony of spirit, passion, purpose, cultivation of truth, living deliberately, in the here and now, in full effect.

I am living my purpose and being my authentic self. By doing that, I’m doing the thing that I was put on this earth to do. That’s what I contribute to society, to humanity.

I’m going to be a better human being.

Life, in Full Effect

Throughout my life, I’ve had many challenges. Life changes, existential crises, health issues, numerous learning experiences, and bouts of depression and anxiety come and go at various times. Through it all, I’ve found that mindfulness and meditation have been significant factors. They have enabled me to cope, keep an “even keel,” and lessen the impact and frequency I experience those things. Mindfulness meditation has helped me learn that I am at my best when I am calm and relaxed, and my inner-self is congruent with my outer self; it has helped me achieve that. Though that’s still sometimes a struggle, it is far more the norm than it used to be.

My life’s journey is living my purpose of being the most authentic and best version of myself. The best husband to my wife, the best stepfather to my boys, the best coworker, the best friend, the best advisor, the best “me.” This results in feeling fully integrated and congruent with my true nature, fulfilled, and full of joy. I strive to leave a legacy, to be a person who is a caring, giving, loving, strong person who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable and live life to the utmost fullest.

My most important future contribution to others will be to show unconditional love through multiple expressions and help to live their full, authentic life. That is my goal here. I’m still on this journey. I have more questions than answers, and I do have moments where I’m off track. As I learn and continue on my journey, I continue to share my experiences here.

Want more? Get the free guide “Quiet Confidence: A Men’s Guide to Living a Free, Authentic, Joyful, Centered, & Purposeful Life“

This workbook will introduce mindfulness as a foundation for living a more deliberate, authentic, purposeful life of peace, freedom, health, and fulfillment.