Mindlessness – Your Greatest Obstacle To Living A Full, Authentic Life

What does it mean to be mindful?  What does it mean to be mindless?

Are you tired of being the guy on the couch, barely getting by with your crappy day job? Tired of being the guy who drinks too much to feel anything anymore? I’ll let you in on a little secret, friend. You are that guy. You are that person people see when they look at you. That’s what it means to be mindless.

If you are mindful, you are aware, you are experiencing present moments with acceptance. In order to fully cultivate mindfulness, you need to intertwine all three of these at the same time.

Believe me, mindfulness is an amazing thing that can help you live a more authentic life with less clutter and more peace of mind. Experiencing mindfulness can be elusive if you’re not sure what it is, don’t understand it,  or know how to cultivate and use it in your own life. 

So how can you cultivate mindful awareness and present experiences with acceptance for yourself?

Default State of Mind

In order to understand mindlessness, you have to understand that, most likely your typical mental state is normally the same as it is for a lot of us, virtually mindless. And this could be the greatest thing preventing you from a full, authentic life.

Mindlessness is the default state of your mind. We wake up mindlessly, go at life mindlessly, and sleep mindlessly. This is the average day for many of us, but this could be why we are not living to our fullest potential.

A lot of men ask me, “How do I live a more authentic life?” But they don’t really know what this means.

What do I mean by that? It doesn’t mean to be mindless, rather you can spend most of your time lost in your past memories and fantasies of what you think your future should look like. You can spend it on autopilot, choosing to send texts at dinner with family/friends, texting when in a meeting, in conversation just waiting for your turn to speak instead of actually listening, multitasking, making choices that are not truly aligned with who you are and what you value.

Mindlessness

My experience has been that the average man is more likely to be living a shallow life than most people.

I want to tell you that there’s no shame in that at all. Society pressures us to go through the motions but doesn’t actually care about what we’re doing.

We’re expected to work jobs we don’t enjoy, spend time with people who drain us, spend our money on things we don’t really need, eat shit food because it’s what’s fast and easy, watch mindless TV shows because they make us feel better about ourselves for a little while.

You know what really makes me feel better about myself? When I spend time with my family when I hug my wife after she gets off work when I see my sons smile and laugh. That’s what makes me feel really good about myself.

You don’t need to pretend like you enjoy the things that people expect of you. You don’t need to ignore your nature and sacrifice your authenticity for society’s sake.

Have you ever been distracted to the point where you don’t know how you got to where you are?  If you talk on the phone while you’re driving, do you sometimes look around and wonder, “How did I get here?”  Your mind was concentrating on the conversation and your body was actually driving the car.  Scary isn’t it?

Some of us can’t seem to move past the impulse that we live our lives with. It’s not that we don’t want to-it’s just that sometimes we can’t help living in this impulse-based state.

Not only is this self-destructive, but it’s also destructive to our relationships, careers, and lives in general. Mindlessness is what happens when we get caught up in the events around us without thinking about them first. Without conscious guidance, things like bad habits come back. We may know better than to act impulsively, but if we’re not paying attention, then it won’t matter anymore.

You’re rushing through life. Isn’t that right? You’ve got your coffee, same drink every time without really thinking about it. You’ll go to your favorite restaurant and order the same thing without even tasting it or savoring it. From day to day you’re not really living, you’re merely getting through.

Authenticity is key though, isn’t it? How can you live an authentic life if your actions are just mindless repetitions?

I know you want to get the most out of life. We all do. But when does it become too much? What if you spent your whole life running away from fear? What if you spent your whole life running away to love, but never stopped to appreciate life in any other way? You can’t focus on everything at once, but you do need a balance. I think it’s important not only for you to find what makes you happy, but also to appreciate what makes others happy too. A deeper understanding of why people do things will make your life richer and more fulfilling.

Time passes by so quickly and when we reflect back on our life then we wonder where the time went.  It is a pretty vicious cycle.

We hear this question a lot, throughout history and in individual lives: “What do I want to do with my life?” It’s one of the most important questions we’ll ever answer.

This question will shape your decisions in all areas of life for better or for worse, and it’ll determine the course of your life. A lot of people never figure out what they want to do with their lives, or they spend years doing something they don’t love because they’re afraid of taking the leap into the unknown.

It’s also not uncommon for men to feel like there’s no time left to figure this question out so they might as well just do what society says they should be doing. But society doesn’t care about you. Society doesn’t care about your dreams or wants or desires, it just cares about keeping itself afloat no matter the cost to you and me.

The most common complaint I hear from my male audience is that they feel like they have lost their sense of purpose. That life is going by too fast and there is no time for what really matters. They want to be a husband, a father, an artist, a businessman or a spiritual seeker who can actually live all those roles with authenticity and integrity.

One thing that has helped me personally is diving into the practices of mindfulness and living in the moment. It means not letting your mind run away with you because it’s telling you that the future will be better than the present (or worse). It also means taking your eyes off of screens for at least 30 minutes every day.

It’s about trying to find time for what really matters in your life. It’s about taking the time to “Stop and Smell the Roses.”

Mindfulness vs. Mindlessness means taking the time to “Stop and Smell the Roses.”  It is an old cliché but one that fits these topics perfectly.

You know that feeling when it’s 8 o’clock at night and you’re just coming home from work? What are you doing then? And in the morning, too. When you wake up in the morning, what are you doing in those first 20 minutes before you get out of bed? Where are your thoughts? Are they focused on the present moment, or are you somewhere else in your mind?

When was the last time you actually stopped and really experienced life?  Are you focusing on what you are reading right at this moment or are you wondering what you are going to do in an hour, this afternoon or tomorrow?

Cost of Mindlessness

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.”—Ferris Bueller

There are many reasons why men may be trying to find more authentic ways of living. One reason is the negative effects of being stuck in a rat race, which can include missing out on what’s happening around us because we’re too busy, having difficulty connecting with the people around us because we’re so preoccupied with our thoughts, not feeling capable enough to live an authentic life because the demands of society are limiting our thinking and actions.

There are also other things that can happen when we get too involved in how others see us-we get caught up in mental traps that prevent us from achieving our goals, get addicted to pleasure, or become overly invested in materialism. But it doesn’t have to be this way-finding contentment in your life is possible.

When we fail to be mindful of our thoughts and actions, there are potential negative consequences that may arise. 

• We miss out on what is going on around us.
• We find it difficult to connect with others.
• We find it difficult to live and express our true nature.
• We become more influenced by our mind, ego, and external factors.
• We are hurrying and “busy”, not actually getting much done.
• We fighting against the natural order of things, instead of being in harmony with.
• We are unaware of what is going on within us – emotions, stress, pain – and are thus consumed by and controlled by those.

How Mindfulness Helps

Mindfulness, primarily through meditation, allows us to step back, and observe the present moment. To familiarize us with the here and now. It allows us to focus on what’s going on right now and get a better sense of calm, clarity, and focus.

I know what it’s like to feel like an impostor. To feel like something great is just outside your reach and you might as well give up now. To try and fail and try again, even though you knew you were never going to be good enough.

Being present isn’t trying to just concentrate on what is here and now and avoid getting sucked back into thoughts or fantasies. Rather, it’s more about being in and experiencing this moment wholeheartedly. After all, it’s these stories that we tell ourselves about how “I’m not enough” or “this isn’t enough” that keep us separated and disconnected from our lives instead of letting us be intimate and connected with it. 

It’s easy to let fear guide us into feeling that maybe this isn’t enough or that this is just not the life I should have. We then run away from it all, trying to fill up an empty void with more distractions, temporary pleasures, status-seeking, and ultimately loneliness.

It’s important to break these destructive patterns by being present in your life every moment of the day. This isn’t about trying not to think or avoid what you don’t want to confront. It’s more about experiencing the moment wholeheartedly, fully connecting to what you are doing right now rather than getting lost in your thoughts or fantasies about who you think you should be.

So, instead of making a practice of thinking about what you shouldn’t do (get lost in the thoughts, emotions, memories of the past, fantasies of the future), channel your energy into being as fully alive as possible.

I believe that our lives are best lived authentically with calm, clarity, and congruence. When we take the time to discover and develop the most authentic version of ourselves, we give a beautiful gift to ourselves and everyone around us.

Putting It Into Action

Becoming more of yourself is a beautiful gift that you can give to yourself and the people around you. Channel your energy into living an authentic life. It takes time, but it pays back soon in authenticity, clarity, calmness, presence–and, surprisingly, in popularity too.

You might say “I want to be more authentic! But what does that even mean?” Answering this question is where all of the hard work begins. Being more authentic means aligning with your true self so that you can act on it. You can do this by working through many issues in your life. When seeking an authentic life, the first thing to do is identify patterns in your life that need some work.

Mindfulness is more than just a buzzword, it’s the key to living with intention and power. Our lives are so busy that we often forget what matters most in our lives because of this mindlessness. We get caught up in habits or things that don’t serve us anymore but feel like they have for years. Take some time every day to stop and be present – you deserve it! If mindfulness sounds scary or daunting, try starting small by meditating for 3 minutes each morning before your feet hit the floor.

As you strive for that more authentic life, it’s easy to get lost in the day-to-day and not notice your own thoughts. You might be running on autopilot or doing things because you’ve always done them. That’s why I recommend waking up a few minutes earlier each morning to meditate before the busyness of your day begins. A few minutes each morning can make a big difference when it comes to how much peace and serenity you find in your day!

“Good questions outrank easy answers.” – Paul A. Samuelson (American economist)

• Stop what you are doing right now and think about what really matters in your life.  Think about a memory that you really treasure.  Were you with someone?  Was it a vacation moment?  Was it a life event?  Whatever it was just fully think about that moment.  
• In thinking about that moment were you thinking about the past or imagining the future?  To fully appreciate moments in your life, you need to be fully present and notice what is happening in the here and now.
• These moments are your moments of mindfulness when you notice everything around you and really enjoy being in the present.  Mindfulness means being present in your own life.

Want more? Get the free guide “Quiet Confidence: A Men’s Guide to Living a Free, Authentic, Joyful, Centered, & Purposeful Life“

This workbook will introduce mindfulness as a foundation for living a more deliberate, authentic, purposeful life of peace, freedom, health, and fulfillment.