Common Questions

Mindfulness can be practiced informally and formally.

Formal practice is regularly taking time out (ideally every day) to intentionally sit, lie, walk, or stand and focus on your breath, sensations in the body, thoughts, and emotions. This is Mindful Meditation.

Informal practice is taking what you’ve learned through your formal practice of being present and applying this moment-to-moment in everyday life. Bringing mindful awareness into your life and daily activities, like work, chores, conversations, exercising, and any other activity you find yourself in. This is largely what I focus on here on this site.

Mindful meditation is a way to enhance your ability to be mindful, to be more present for your daily life and to make more conscious decisions. So, they are working together and often you will see the terms used interchangeably. 

Mindfulness practice is grounded in the rich history of Buddhist traditions. Jon Kabat-Zinn is the founder of the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction or MBSR program. Other foundational teachers to mindfulness include Jack Kornfield, Joseph Goldman, and Sharon Salzberg. The repetitive practice of non-judgmental attention to the breath supports the development of mindfulness practice.

There are a number of reasons why mindfulness is such a hot topic these days. Mainly, it’s due to increasing scientific evidence that mindfulness practice has substantial benefits for the brain, body, and relationships, benefiting our mental well-being, increasing our ability to concentrate, bolstering our resilience, successfully treating chronic pain, and enabling us to become more compassionate. 

When we fail to be mindful in our thoughts and actions, there are potential negative consequences that may arise. 

We miss out on what is going on around us.

We find it difficult to connect with others.

We find it difficult to live and express our true nature.

We become more influenced by our mind, ego, and external factors.

We are hurried and “busy”, not actually getting much done.

We fighting against the natural order of things, instead of being in harmony with.

We are unaware of what is going on within us – emotions, stress, pain – and are thus consumed by and controlled by those.

Mindlessness. Being on autopilot, choosing to send texts at dinner with family/friends, texting when in a meeting, in conversation just waiting for your turn to speak instead of actually listening, multitasking, making choices that are not truly aligned with who you are and what you value, etc.

In order to understand mindlessness, you have to understand that your typical mental state is normally, virtually mindless. Not that you are a mindless person, rather that you can spend most of your time lost in your past memories and fantasies of what you think your future should look like. 

To be present is to truly be alive and at one with those around you and with what you are doing. The more present and aware of the mind and body you are, the less you will be caught up in thoughts or emotions.

Both mindfulness and meditation have been a core part of most Buddhist traditions for over 2,500 years. This is where the practices are rooted. 

Many modern forms of mindfulness and meditation practices, such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), present, teach and practice mindfulness in a 100% secular and non-religious way – no religious terms, philosophy, or rituals. The benefits of mindfulness aren’t dependent on any dogma, belief system, or religious practice. 

This is how I approach mindfulness and meditation here on Quiet Confidence. Much the same way your gym might offer a yoga class (which also has its roots in religious traditions) from a non-religious perspective and format.

Try sensing the rise and fall of the belly as you breath. Some people find it helpful to sense into the movement of the diaphragm or chest. Others find it helpful to feel the air move in and out of the nostrils.

Set a realistic practice period each day of at least 10 minutes of formal practice. Many people begin with guided audio, as I did. Training your body to run a marathon, for example, requires dedication, practice, and someone to teach and coach you the proper fundamentals. Training your mind is also something that requires commitment, practice, and should be guided by a skilled, experienced teacher. You can even further your practice by joining a community, finding your teacher, or attending a retreat.

There are a lot of excellent mobile apps that can help you get started with your practice and learning the fundamentals. Each is a little different, so explore and find what works best for you. Many of these offer free starter sessions to try it out before you subscribe. Here are a few recommended apps:

Headspace (the one I have used the most)

Ten Percent (I have started to also use this one)

Calm 

Insight Timer

Simple Habit

Aura

I will also be adding some guided meditations here.

Go with it. Accept it. Do not fight the noise and distraction by attempting to tune it out. Instead, work with it. Allow it. Receive it. You may find that the mind will calm once you accept your mental restlessness.

The changes you are observing are part of the process. The emotions and dreams may be opening up as a result of your slowing down. You may find that, over time, your mood is improving as you learn to accept your present experience. If you find yourself falling asleep when you are trying to meditate, take some shifts in your lighting or positioning to see if that helps you to stay in the moment of your meditation.

While there are much more research and studies that attest to the benefits of mindfulness than its risks, there have been some research studies that have shown some negative findings and potential detriments of mindfulness. I think it is important to acknowledge and address these. From what I have seen, my conclusion is that the majority of these effects are from a misunderstanding or misapplication of mindfulness practices and principles. 

Some of these have included:

• Forming False Memories
• Discarding Positive Thoughts
• Avoiding Difficult Thinking Activities
• Dissociation, mania, and psychosis
• Narcissism

There are lots of misconstrued ideas about meditation, especially in western civilization. Mindfulness is not about being mindless about your thoughts, or surroundings, nor is it about not having any emotions. It is also not about wiping your mind clean, seeking a blissful life, withdrawing from life, or escaping pain. Rather, it helps you be aware of and managing all of that. If you find yourself wanting or experiencing any of the above, be aware and know that this is something you should explore and address.

Additionally, feelings of sadness, anger, fear, anxiety could seem stronger in the beginning because you may be consciously paying attention to these for the first time. You may make discoveries you don’t like. You may be challenged and find yourself facing the unknown.

If you are feeling dissociated, manic, or disconnected from reality, you definitely want exercise caution. If people begin to say that you are overconfident or inaccurate, consider that your approach to mindfulness may be contributing to this. The moment you start drawing conclusions and telling stories, you’re no longer mindful. A history of trauma, abuse, or addiction may potentially heighten som of these feelings and sensations. Those more vulnerable people, such as those with PTSD, might want to be particularly careful when undertaking mindfulness practice and consult your mental healthcare professional.

In my opinion, mindfulness is right for anyone who would like to feel more in control of their thoughts and emotions, rather than being controlled by their thoughts and emotions. Mindfulness helps us to be alive in the present moment, here and now. Our first step is to be the observer, to just note and recognize what’s going on around us and within us. Just objectively observing as if we were a journalist reporting to our readers. The next step is to be curious, and seek to understand. We do this by deepening that observation with the curiosity and objectivity of the beginner’s mind. Purposeful, objective, and non-judgmental awareness can then lead to a focused effort to make changes.

You shouldn’t. 

 What I mean by that is that mindfulness and meditation are very personal practices. The only way to do them “wrong” is to do what doesn’t work best for you. My goal is to share my experiences and learnings as well as provide you with various techniques and points of view so that you find what works for you, what is true for you.

There is a famous metaphor of fingers pointing at the moon. The “moon” stands for the truth, or the essence of the matter. Teachings and practices are the fingers pointing to the moon. Their only value is in helping others spot the moon. They are not the point in and of themselves.

Find your truth!